aintbroke: (flee you fool!)
[personal profile] aintbroke
I don't know how many of you are aware of this, but I am totally awesome. Really. I generally find myself delightful! And funny! And it is really only since graduating college that I have had any experience with feeling like a failure. (Peace Corps was tough.) (Medical school is tougher.)

I was supposed to take a massive test, back in February, but all signs pointed to my not being able to pass it, so I have instead, taken a lot of time off from school (more on that later) to take another stab at studying and take it again.
First of all, this test. Guys, I do not even have words for how terrifying this test is. It is the "you know enough to be a doctor" test, and much like the SATs, your score on this determines what options you have later on in life. I am very thankful that my interest lies in a primary care field, but I'd like not to be limited in where I get my future training. Also: what if I totally fall in love with surgery- this is a legit concern!- and then need a significantly better score to match*!
Step One has a very high pass rate, but I think a large part of that is that medical students by-and-large are robots. I believe I have spoken here before about my ambivalence to robots (so cool in theory! so lame in practice!) - I simply do not have the capacity to study twelve hours a day (which is what all the study guides are telling me to do.) Ugh. Anyway. I have narrowed my studying down to nine texts, four sets of flashcards, a single question bank and that is just going to have to be sufficient.

For the record, folks, this is why I can not find it in my heart to update this LJ more often- this is how exciting my life is. TEXTBOOK SELECTION! A bookshelf enters the arena, but only ROBBINS/COSTANZO/FIRST AID leave standing.

Taking time off for testing purposes has all kinds of consequences, of course. Because of the way blocks are scheduled, my options were no time at all, or four months. Because the first two months are consumed with test-studying, I don't really have time to set up anything super creative for the other two months (I have just enough responsibility locally that I can't travel. Curse you research!) so I don't know what I'm going to do with myself in July and August. Also taking this time "off" now means I will not have it later, for things like elective rotations, which I am actually thrilled about, but will not get to do. Arg!

*No one actually cares about this, but I do find it slightly alarming how much stupid medical school lingo (not like, jargon, or actual learning, but just lingo, has worked its way into my life. "Match" indeed.

As always, I really am delighted by all y'all who post regularly on LJ. My silence has a lot to do with me not having anything interesting to say; but I am here, and I am reading.

Date: 2013-05-05 01:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
glad you're still around and reading (though my posts are probably v.v. boring, as they're pretty hockey-intensive)!

here's hoping you survive the study phase and then find something entertaining for the following months; I'm thinking of you and your increasing command of medical lingo


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